Dear Family

I was informed recently that I haven't posted a blog in a while; I have a very logical reason for this actually. The things going on in my life are difficult for people (my family) to understand, so I have just been keeping it to myself and to my friends who are happy for me rather than letting my family, who are the most important people to me, know about it. I am sad that it will disappoint my family, but I am not sad about what is happening.

About two weeks ago I let my mother in on the secret of my life and the news was received badly. She may have let some of you know already, but now I'd like to be the one to officially tell you all. This in no way reflects my mothers parenting skills or me rebelling against her in any way at all as I have not lived with her for nearly 10 years now. This has absolutely nothing to do with her. I am a grown adult and I have made my own life decisions. The reason I told her before I told any other of my family is out of respect to her being my mother and I didn't want her to find out from anyone except myself, but I was hurt by her reaction as I know she was hurt by what I had to tell her.

In early August I found out I was pregnant. I was afraid because I had a job that didn't pay very much and I had no health insurance. I didn't know how I was going to take care of myself let alone another person. The very next day I was called and offered a full-time job at a place I had applied to and interviewed many times, but I never got the job before. I never applied for or interviewed for the job that was offered to me and the last time I had applied at the place was 9 months before. They just kept my application on file and decided to hire me. The job came with great medical, dental, vision, life insurance and retirement. The staff are nice, the youth are kind to me, the job is simple and works well with my current life, I get paid more and there is opportunity for advancement.

The job offer was a blessing to me at the time that I needed it most. If Heavenly Father can give me the opportunity to provide for myself and for my child then I hope that my family will give me the chance to do the same. I don't need anyone else to ask me if I am going to give my kid up for adoption. Yes, I considered it at first. I also spoke with LDS Family Services and I looked on their website at many great families that are looking for a child. I understand that I could have been the blessing those families are looking for, but I decided this is my blessing to keep. I can have something good. If I was not given a way to make this work then I wouldn't be so selfish to keep this for myself, but there are ways that have been provided for me. There are ways that I can provide for the things I create, and there are many people who love and care for me and have faith that I can do this.

I know there will be many difficulties involved with having a baby in my life, but in what situation in life would a first baby not come with difficulties and challenges? EVERY new parent whether they are married or not face surprises that they never anticipated before the child was born. No one does it alone. I KNOW that one person should not do this alone, or that TWO people shouldn't do it alone. I do need help and kindness and support from family and friends in order to do this right, but even if I had to do it completely alone, there is not one person in this whole world who is better suited to be this child's parent than me.

The support and advice that I have been given by my family throughout the years of my life have given me the strength necessary to accomplish the goals in my life as an independent adult. I love and respect each one of you for placing yourselves in my life at both the important and unimportant times. I love sharing meals together and chatting about nothing at all and everything important. I love family gatherings where we can hug and catch up and share the joy in our lives. I love the short messages I get from my dear cousins when I get on the computer. These things may seem small or insignificant to the giver, but they are moments of happiness for me. There are many ways we can support and encourage one other even when we don't necessarily agree on everything.

Please support me in this goal that I want to accomplish, you will be pleased with the result, I WON'T fail. I will make many mistakes, I won't be perfect, but I will be great at it.

I don't say it often, but I do love you all.

Kjersty

P.S. I am 17 weeks now. I will find out if it is a boy or girl on November 1st.